I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
