you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
