I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
