Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
