apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
