her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
