Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
