There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
