There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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