So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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