is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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