Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
