im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
