How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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