end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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