My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
