I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
