I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
