Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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