In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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