I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
