saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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