WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
