false alarm. still invincible.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
