My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
