is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
