Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I forget how to act sober
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
