i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
