am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did I show you my penis last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
