I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
