I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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