went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
