I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
