Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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