I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
