He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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