Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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