I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
