Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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