a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
