Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
