Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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