May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk is not a location!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
