quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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