sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
