I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
