Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
