I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
why is half of my head shaved?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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