This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
