i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
