Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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